Y'know those grey tubs on the side of telephone poles? Those're accumulation pods for the negative energy created by awkward silences during phone conversations. Telephone receivers pick up the almost-imperceptible microsounds that characterize the uncomfortable pauses in a conversation and transfer this emotional miasma to the collection points you see on every fifth utility pole or so. This is part of an arrangement between telephone providers and the spirit world. Demons, you see, feed on this negative energy and so they are provided it by the phone companies who in return expect the spirit world not to cause electrical interference and disrupt telecommunications signals. Principal among these spirits is the 6000 year-old field demon known as Princess Washburn. She is invisible to creatures that can't perceive ultraviolet light, and she feeds on the unique energies released not by suffering but by slight discomfort. Those who know of her are sworn to secrecy, and she easily monitors all because she can see you through the eyes of the figures depicted on the backs of coins. Those who defy her are punished by being afflicted with the constant feeling that they are about to walk head-first into a window ledge, resulting in a lifetime of paranoid flinching and regret. She can speak to the universe by ricocheting her voice off celestial bodies like they were giant surround-sound speakers, but she speaks only to those who are attuned to the supernatural world via practice or birth. Dogs hear her in their dreams, and spiders are almost all under her direct influence (their webs are crude depictions of her irises). Occasionally a bit of her dictations slip through to commoners via the general permeability of all things (including the supernatural sphere), and her words are interpreted by us as "imagination" or "artistic inspiration" or just good old insanity. She makes up millions of songs, and some of them make their way to earth, albeit in reduced form — the Rolling Stones' "Satisfaction" being a prime example. Oh yeah, and she affects whose appendixes burst and whose don't. Tonsil infections are random though. Yes siree.
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This quote was added July 16, 2008.