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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
Time's fun when you're having flies.
I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.
As I touched the Fleshlight's supple lips, my doubts faded: finally, an always-available vagina! A vagina that didn't come with any of the annoying phrases I'd heard so many times in my life! (By which I mean "I'm tired", "I have a headache", and "I screwed your cousin Jeff while you were out buying nachos".)
Don't all the fucking idiots in the world who watch this shit ever get sick of being stupid all the time?
Isn't kind of the main mystery of the phrase "GOD MADE ADAM AND EVE NOT ADAM AND STEVE" who the fuck made Steve?
Don't say another goddamn word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say ANYTHING else — word ONE — I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds its destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one. When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming — as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin. I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the Earth.
You're only happy when you can decide what's real. My unicorn agrees with me.
Nietzsche thought he was the Antichrist or Dionysus, but that was after the syphilis crossed the blood-brain barrier.
No one is like me.
The true New Yorker secretly believes that anyone living anywhere else must somehow, in a sense, be kidding.
You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you?
Leaving sex to the patriarchy is like letting your dog vacation at the dog rapist's.
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