Raise your hand if you love porn. Oh, OK. Four kabillion dollar a year industry, and me and that guy over there are the only ones that like it? So, what? Me and you — we spend roughly about two billion a piece? Wow, that makes us freaks! I love porn, I do. I love badly made porn. Not the kind where the girl in the video is obviously on her last legs. You know... just one crack pipe away from oblivion. That's not cool. That's gross and sad and I can't all get anywhere near "off" if the part of my brain that actually has compassion for her fellow man takes over the part of my brain that desperately needs to climax. I'm sorry, am I offending you? Then you probably should go. Because I haven't even gotten to the naughty stuff yet. You're OK? OK. As I said, I love porn, but most of it does suck very badly, doesn't it? See me? I like a little story. I don't care how fucking stupid the story is — I don't ask for much — just a sense of place and purpose for the double anal gangbang. Just so I know who everybody is. I like to think that the director took the time to take the skank aside and give her her "motivation". Makes me happy. But even with that the lowest of expectations, I still find myself desperately disappointed by a lot of the erotica I peruse. I'm not asking for intimate cinemaphotography, or even camera focus... just a little set up. Oh, and you know what I hate? I hate jokey porn. Oooh! I hate it! Wacky porn — ugh! Right? Guys with these eleven inch dongs that think they're funny. Or that it makes them funny. I'm telling you right now, if you have an eleven inch donger, you're not funny. There's nothing funny about you. You might think you're funny because you have a lot of blood that should be going to your brain is going down in your eleven inch dong. But that's light headedness, that's all. Now, word is that there are more porn titles than there are legit movies and music albums combined. Did you know that? Wow, huh? Can you imagine though — other worlds, like aliens, getting a load of our bad porn. And maybe not knowing it's porn. Maybe they don't have porn, and they don't know what it is? Maybe they think they're watching our mating rituals. Maybe that's what the anal probes are about. They think that's how we say hello or something.
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This quote was added November 29, 2007.