Frequently Asked Questions
- What the hell?
Hi! We take it by your question that you're new to Discordian Quotes and would like to know what this Web site is all about! Well, sir, madam, or cabbage, you've come to the right place.
Discordian Quotes is a Web site based around a collection of twelve thousand eight hundred ninety-nine quotations (and counting) that is perhaps best known as the Discordian Quotes File of Lost Souls, a text-based RPG of the LPMud persuasion, though its true origins lie deeper and murkier than that. The Discordian Quotes File has many online manifestations, and this site aims only to be one of the more entertaining ones.
- You keep using this word "Discordian" as if it means something. Why do you call these quotes Discordian?
Indeed it does! Most immediately, they are called the Discordian Quotes because one of their most important roles in existence is providing the various Discordian groups of the aforementioned Lost Souls MUD with the ability to pontificate forth with random quotes at will. More generally, they are called Discordian because they are considered appropriate in some fashion for such people to be spewing about, which means they relate in some way to the religion and/or practical joke known as Discordianism, which we cordially invite you to investigate further.
If you find yourself mystified as to how some particular quote could possibly relate to Discordianism, it may be of benefit for you to meditate at length upon the mysterious and inerrant Law of Fives.
- I recognized this one quote. Why isn't it attributed to the person who said it? What are you, some kind of goddamned Communists?
As a matter of ironclad policy, Discordian Quotes never contain an attribution in the quote itself. This is in keeping with the distinctly copyleft spirit of Discordianism, and also makes for a bit of a fun game in attempting to attribute them. Our Web site supports this, giving registered users the ability to write attributions for quotes, and to vote attributions up and down based on whether they are accurate, helpful, entertaining, difficult to find, or whatever other criteria they feel like applying. The plan is to have rankings for the best attributors on the site; that isn't in place yet. As to whether we are goddamned Communists, well, I'm certainly not going to tell you something like that on the first date. What kind of Web site do you think I am?
Note for That One Guy Out There Who Will Notice And Be All "Ha Ha I Caught You In An Incorrect Statement I Am So Smart It Hurts Me": There is, in fact, one Discordian Quote that appears to be attributed. However, the attribution it contains is part of the quotation, not an attribution of the quote itself.
- A lot of these quotes are absolutely filthy. What's with the dirty words?
Well, to be frank, we think the entire concept of "dirty words" is brain-damaged; one of our own quotes sums up our position on the matter rather piquantly. Censorship is a very un-Discordian (Aneristic, as we say) activity, while challenging people's worldviews is quite the opposite, so do not expect to get a lot of results from telling us our quotes are wrong and bad, unless being laughed at is the response you were looking for. (Please see also our Terms & Conditions on the topic.) Because we believe in empowering people, though, we will help you shield yourself from the icky semiotics if that's what you really, truly wish; having a registered account with Discordian Quotes will, when supported, allow you to tag quotes in numerous ways, including tagging them as profane or obscene, and filtering such quotes (tagged by you or others) from those ordinarily displayed to you.
Anyway, there are lots of nice, whitewashed, family-values-friendly quotes sites out there. Nobody needs another one. We are something else.
- A lot of these quotes are horrifying and/or idiotic. Do you seriously advocate what they're saying?
Oh, hell no. A considerable proportion of the quotes are there because they represent some fascinating species of psychological deformity, a bad example to be kept in mind so it can be avoided at all costs, or simply a sampling of humanity and inhumanity at their points of extremity and greatest convolution. You really shouldn't ever take the presence of a quote here as meaning that we think what it's saying is good. Very often, quite the opposite.
- Well, you're advocating for at least some of them, then. Which ones?
That would be telling.
- You consistently refer to your content elements as "quotes" when they are properly spoken of as quotations, with "quotes" referring to the punctuation marks placed around a quotation.
We're sorry, the judges cannot accept that because you failed to phrase your tedious linguistic prescriptivism in the form of a question. Why don't you run along and rail against useful innovations like the singular gender-neutral "they" like a good little pedant?
- Ooh, can I add a quote to the file? Can I add two quotes? Can I add a whole bunch of quotes?
Yeah, sure, why not. Or, well, not directly. But you can submit them to be added, which may or may not result in them being added, in a process that we swear is totally scientifically distinguishable from deciding what quotes to put in using a Pachinko machine. Right now, you can do this by sending us an email, or, if you have any interest in MUDs, you can create an account with the MUD mentioned above, Lost Souls, and make a Discordian character, since they have a convenient mechanism for submitting quotes. ("Convenient" meaning convenient if you already have the character. If you don't want to play the MUD, it's not convenient at all.) The plan is that there will be a better submission mechanism through this Web site at some point.
- Why should I register for an account?
Aside from the tagging, filtering, and attributing noted above, registered users will be able to cast votes for which quotes they like and dislike, and later on we will take that information, apply Advanced Technology to it, and use it to show you more of the kind of quotes you like! Similarly, we'll be building out various entertaining ways to interact with the Quotes as time goes on, and most of them will be tied to the personal preferences of your account with us.
- Why do you want my email address?
- This site doesn't look done. Is it done? Because it doesn't look done.
Yeah, no, not really. Its current state is best considered an early alpha that no one has actually bothered to lock down so users can't get into it and break things. Really, since we had at least a few things for people to see, we wanted to let them be seen. More will be coming, don't worry.
Last Updated: August 24, 2013